“Data from the BLS shows that approximately 20% of new businesses fail during the first two years of being open, 45% during the first five years, and 65% during the first 10 years. Only 25% of new businesses make it to 15 years or more.”
The average business is designed to facilitate transactions with customers.
Background: This is Twitch streamer Nick Mercs. He’s arguably the most popular streamer on the planet right now. Earlier this month, 10,000 people flew to Tampa Bay to meet him, and each other. They paid to get there, Nick and his team covered the event for them.
When you watch that video and hear what it was about, you will likely have one of two different reactions to it:
1 – ‘OMG, that’s amazing!’
2 – ‘Heh, that’s cute.’
Regardless of your reaction, everyone who watches that video understands that Nick and the 10,000 people at this event do not have a transactional relationship.
Let’s watch another video:
In this video, pro wrestler CM Punk returned to the industry for the first time in 7 years. The excitement from those in attendance speaks for itself, tens of thousands of people overjoyed. Grown men crying tears of joy, and it appeared that Punk himself almost did.
This is the point at which I will lose some of you in the ‘Heh, that’s cute.’ group. But when you watch the second video, regardless of what you think of it, you also understand that CM Punk and the people in that arena do not have a transactional relationship.
What is a family?
When I watch these two videos, here’s what I see: Nick loves everyone that showed up to #MFAMBBQ2021, and they love him right back. CM Punk loves everyone who is cheering for him and they love him right back.
That’s not a transactional relationship. It’s a loving relationship. I care about you, you care about me.
I tweeted the #MFAMBBQ2021 video on Saturday during the event. Notice the reply I got:
A member of MFAM corrected me, MFAM isn’t a community it’s a family.
“the activity of making, buying, or selling goods or providing services in exchange for money”
In other words, a business has a transactional relationship with customers. Everything about the business is designed to facilitate the transaction.
Once the customer completes or rejects the transaction, for all intents and purposes, that is the end of the relationship between the customer and the business.
This approach creates several obvious obstacles for the average business. First, they need more transactions. Which means spending more on marketing to attempt to create more transactions. Second, they need more customers, since brand loyalty is not created via a transactional relationship. Which again leads to more costs.
The customer is synonymous with a transactional relationship. If a business is built on simply facilitating transactional relationships with customers, then its costs of doing business will always be higher. The only purpose of the customer is to provide cash to complete the tranaction. The only purpose of the business is to provide the product or service that the customer wants to buy.
This is why we need to stop thinking about a business being about facilitating a transactional relationship. How we communicate, engage and interact with each other has changed dramatically in just the last 25 years. But the basic function and design of the average business is still rooted in facilitating transactions.
It’s time we changed that.
What if a business existed to invest in the people who buy its products and services?
Let’s go back to Nick Mercs for a moment. As a streamer on Twitch, one of the main ways he generates income is via subscriptions and donations from his viewers. But it isn’t the only source of income for Nick. Another source is sponsorships. One of Nick’s sponsors is Cash App.
On a recent stream, Nick talked openly about his sponsorship deal with Cash App. He noted that when he made the deal with Cash App, he structured it so that Cash App is required to regularly give cash away to his subscribers. Cash App provides money that Nick then randomly gives away to his subscribers.
This could be viewed as an example of Nick investing back into his subscribers. At the same time, Cash App’s sponsorship of Nick’s steam could be seen as Cash App investing in the success of Nick’s stream. By investing in his subscribers, Nick gains the loyalty of his subscribers, who are known as MFAM (Mercs Family). Since MFAM is loyal to Nick, that loyalty transfers to great degree to sponsors like Cash App. Because MFAM understands that by sponsoring Nick’s stream, Cash App is investing in Nick’s stream, and helping to make it possible.
If Nick was treating his Twitch stream as a business, and a purely transactional one, he would treat it quite differently. He would attempt to maximize subscriber counts and treat subscribers as customers who are purchasing a product (his stream content).
Instead, Nick views his subscribers as a community or family, MFAM. And as he becomes more successful, he looks for ways to take money from his sponsorship deals and redistribute it back to his subscribers. In another recent stream, Nick mentioned that he had set up Instagram accounts for the family dogs, Joey and Jackson.
Nick added that once the account has enough followers to start attracting sponsorship dollars, that Nick is going to take the money raised from the IG account and use it to buy pet food for the pet owners in MFAM. Another example of how Nick is creating an investing relationship with his MFAM versus a transactional one.
It’s time for business, and the relationships it pursues, to evolve
A business that is designed and structured simply to facilitate transactions cannot endure. Many businesses across the world are starting to wake up to this reality. We are seeing more and more discussion about how we need to focus on things besides the transaction. Topics such as focusing on customer experience, or customer loyalty or customer satisfaction are signs that businesses understand that they need to evolve.
The problem is that businesses are attempting to focus on these areas, but within the framework of keeping a transactional relationship with their customers. This is addressing the symptom rather than the core sickness. The issue isn’t that businesses need to focus on customer experience, loyalty and satisfaction, the issue is that businesses need to focus on creating a new type of relationship with the people that buy its products and services.
Businesses need to move from having a transactional relationship with its customers, to having an investment relationship with the people who buy its products and services. And the investment will flow both ways; The business invests in the people who buy its products and services, and those people invest back in the business.
We are already seeing how some businesses are experimenting with this idea of moving from being transactional to focus on investment. Here’s some examples:
Red Bull and Monster Energy both invest heavily in sporting teams and events. Both brands do so to communicate to their customers that they have ‘skin in the game’ and that they want to grow the sports and events that their customers love. This connects with customers, who see that the energy drink brands want to have something more than a business/customer relationship with them.
Patagonia’s Worn Wear program is actually about DECREASING transactions. The Worn Wear program is about helping current Patagonia clothing owners extend the life of their clothing by fixing and repairing it. Patagonia’s stated goal for the program is to REDUCE new purchases, and reduce consumption. This communicates to customers that Patagonia is invested in protecting the planet, and it rallies Patagonia’s customers to take up the cause, and to show higher levels of loyalty toward the brand.
Clubhouse and its Creator Accelerator Program. This is an initiative that Clubhouse launched earlier in 2021 where Clubhouse will invest directly in room owners that meet certain requirements. In essence, Clubhouse is putting resources, whether it’s money, equipment, or mentoring into what it identifies as promising creators on its platform. Clubhouse is investing directly in those creators, with the hope being that as these creators have more resources, they will continue to grow the popularity of their rooms, which will also help grow the Clubhouse platform. Now what’s missing from this equation, to a degree, is the investment in the room listeners. They are the third leg of the stool and are kinda left out in the cold a bit in this deal. But perhaps Clubhouse and its creators will come up with ways for listeners to both monetize room owners, and for the platform and room owners to transfer gifts or other forms of investment back to the room listeners.
How do we go from transacting with our customers, to investing in them?
Let’s say we want to move our business from being rooted in facilitating transactional relationships with customers, to a model where the business invests in its customers, and the customers invest back in the business.
What would that model look like?
Let’s use supermarket chain Publix as a hypothetical example. Publix sells groceries. It’s a purely transactional model.
What if Publix wanted to shift to having an investment model with its customers? What would that look like?
Here’s one possibility: Let’s say Publix is going to invest directly in the health of its customers. Publix is no longer in business to sell groceries, it’s in business to invest in the health of its customers.
Think about the changes that could happen at Publix to reflect this change. When you first enter Publix, you will typically see a spinner rack by the door that has the current sales circular, several coupon books, maybe even a card with a recipe or two on it. If Publix wanted to invest in the health of its customers, perhaps it could replace the coupons and sales with a list of suggested foods for each age group. For instance, there could be guidelines on foods to buy if you are ages 50 and up. One side of the paper could be foods you want to buy to gain weight, the other could be foods to buy if you want to lose weight. There could be custom shopping lists for other ages or interests, such as people who are diabetic, have high blood pressure, etc.
And throughout the store, there could be cooks preparing meals and instructing customers on how to do so. There could be physical trainers on staff or available by appointment to discuss and create a health regime for customers. As customers are shopping, food could be grouped by body type, or age, or medical condition, instead of simply grouping by brand.
This would all likely lead to more expenses for Publix, which would need to be passed along to the customer in the form of higher prices. However, if Publix could show the average customer how to live a healthier lifestyle, wouldn’t that outweigh a modest increase in prices? Would you pay 25% more for groceries if it meant you would get an additional hour of REM sleep a night, have lower blood pressure, and more energy? I think most people would.
In addition, Publix could hold workshops on how to cook food at home, how to better exercise, what vitamins and supplements to take. They could partner with local fitness centers and health organizations.
There are so many other possibilities. And it all starts with a simple supermarket deciding that it no longer exists to sell groceries, but instead to invest in the health of its customers.
It’s time to rethink business, it’s time to end the transactional relationship
Business as usual is fast approaching its expiration date. Advances in technology, especially around how we connect with each other and share information, is prompting us to expect more from the brands that we give our money to. We honestly do want a deeper relationship with brands, but brands have to earn that relationship. They have to communicate to their customers that they value them as more than simply being another transaction.
Brand loyalty is not created in a transaction model. The most successful businesses have higher levels of loyalty from their customers. Your goal isn’t to facilitate more transactions, it’s to earn the loyalty of your customers.
And you do that by investing in them. I have some more thoughts on this, so click play:
Recently I was on LinkedIn, and a person (we’ll call him Jake), who is viewed by many as a ‘thought leader‘ left a post on LinkedIn. Jake typically leaves posts every day or so, often asking a question or asking people for their comments. The posts are typically somewhat self-promotional in nature, but not too bad. I sometimes comment on Jake’s posts, and Jake usually responds when I do.
A couple of days ago, Jake asked for our feedback on how to improve a certain aspect of our marketing efforts. I left a comment with some tips. This morning, I checked my notifications and saw that Jake’s post was getting replies, and that’s what reminded me to go check and see what Jake and others had said about my comment, and to check other comments as well.
Jake didn’t reply to my comment. And I started checking the other comments, and Jake had replied to almost every one. The post had gotten dozens of comments, and all had earned a reply from Jake, except for mine and a couple others. I checked and noticed that almost every other comment included some compliment for Jake, then their comment. Myself, and the other two others had just added a comment, with no compliment for Jake. Such as ‘Jake I love what you are doing with X, here’s my suggestion’. Jake would reply with ‘Thank you so much!’ and go on, addressing the compliment, but pretty much ignoring the comment itself.
I checked a couple of Jake’s earlier posts and noticed a similar trend: If you leave a comment and compliment Jake in the process, you get a response from Jake. No compliment, no response from Jake.
Perhaps I am being naive, but I’ve always felt that one of the great joys of having a bigger audience is your ability to point that bigger audience toward other people. Yes, you absolutely want to grow a following and network so you can leverage it to help yourself and your career.
But there’s also joy in helping someone who doesn’t yet have your level of ‘notoriety’ to find a wider audience. To introduce these people to your network and your network to them.
There’s joy in simply helping others for the sake of helping them.
Look at what Christina Garrett has been doing on Twitter with #MarketingTwitter over the last few months:
If you have less than a 1,000 followers and work in marketing in some capacity, introduce yourself to Marketing Twitter.
Say hi, tell us about yourself, and what you like to tweet about.
#MarketingTwitter started as a way for people who may have less visibility (under 1000 followers), to meet new people. And in the process, they will help others, grow their network, and grow their visibility.
Most people would never even think to do something like this, because it would be harder for them to see the direct benefit.
The benefit for you should be simply helping others. The best part of being a ‘thought leader’ or being rich, or being successful in whatever way you define success, is that it allows you to share your success with others, and lift them up in the process.
It’s great to lift yourself up. But don’t forget that some of life’s greatest joy comes from lifting up others as well.
Imposter Syndrome is generally accepted to be the feeling that you either don’t deserve the accolades you have received, or you doubt your skills and abilities. It’s something I’ve dealt with for years, to varying degrees. And the reality is, social media makes this problem a LOT worse.
I fell into consulting and speaking by accident in 2006. In 2005, I was in between jobs, and I began blogging on one of my passions, marketing. This was in the days before YouTube, Twitter and Instagram. So it was much easier to make a name for yourself.
In early 2006, I began to get writing requests, and started making a decent side income via content creation. Soon, I started getting speaking requests, and decided to go into consulting full time.
From the jump, I worried that I wasn’t as ‘qualified’ as my peers. Many of who had extensive corporate experience before going into consulting, or maybe they had their own agency. I was just some guy from Alabama with a marketing blog.
Over time, I got a bit more business, but it was a struggle. Living in rural Alabama, my pool of potential clients was pretty much limited to online only. Which meant I needed to really promote myself and what I could offer clients.
Most people hate self-promotion, and I am definitely in this camp. Plus, being an introvert, it was even worse. For the first couple of years, business went in spurts. I would have a great 6 months then almost nothing for 3 months, then it would start up again. The inconsistent work only made it easier to doubt myself.
And social media was no help, every time I would check Facebook, peers were sharing photos of how they were speaking at this event, or doing work with this brand. Additionally, I hated the idea of asking for help. And I wasn’t even talking about help in the form of work, I didn’t even want to ask friends for advice. I felt like that would be burdening them and completely unfair.
I was frustrated beyond belief. I had an upcoming trip to Texas for some client work. and two of my best friends in consulting lived in the area. I trusted them, so I decided while I was on the trip, I would talk to both of them and ask for their advice on why I was struggling.
What they told me took me by complete surprise. The first friend told me that if it wasn’t for their spouse having a full-time income, that they wouldn’t have made it. They told me the first few years they got almost no business from their consulting, and the spouse had to provide almost all of the income. I had no idea!
When I talked to the second friend, I specifically asked about the ups and downs in workflow. They told me that was pretty normal for consulting. “You learn to manage the cycles’, they told me. My friend said they knew from experience that they would be very busy about 6 months out of the year, and the other 6 months would be slower. During the slower times, they had learned to work on their own business.
It was so eye-opening to hear from peers I trusted that they too had to deal with many of the same issues I was facing. And it was a huge help in dealing with Imposter Syndrome.
If you are struggling and dealing with self-confidence issues or Imposter Syndrome, here’s what I’ve learned that’s helped me:
Stop comparing yourself to others, learn to benchmark against yourself. It’s completely unfair to compare yourself against others, because you have an incomplete picture of what they are doing, the resources they have, and their actual accomplishments. Social media is designed to show the highlights, not the lowlights. You know your ups and downs, but for most everyone else, you only see the ‘ups’. As long as you are doing your best to improve, that’s all that counts.
Accept that some promotion is necessary. People can’t hire you if they don’t know that you are available. Years ago I spoke at an event that a dear friend ran. A week after the event, I got a call from her, she said an attendee had approached her and said he needed to hire a consultant to design a digital strategy for his company. My dear friend, who I had known for years asked me ‘Is that the type of work you do?’ I was floored! If even my close friends weren’t sure what type of work I did, then I definitely had a self-promotion problem. I still do to this day, but I’m learning to accept that some self-promotion is necessary.
BTW, about self-promotion; I know self-promotion can be especially hard for introverts, and women. If self-promotion truly makes you uncomfortable, focus on promoting the work you do and how it benefits clients, rather than yourself and your accomplishments. This approach will at least make it easier for potential clients to understand what you do and how you can help them. You can make this easier by promoting how you help clients succeed, rather than ‘tooting your own horn’.
Find a core group of trusted peers/friends, and lean on them for advice and support. Having friends I can bounce ideas off of is invaluable. Treasure those professional friends who will help and support you, and make sure you return the favor tenfold. It’s one of the best personal and professional investments you can make.
But perhaps the greatest business and really life lesson I have learned is to keep going. Many religions around the world have a similar parable involving followers asking for strength to deal with life’s problems. Instead of receiving strength, we often receive more obstacles. But as we overcome these obstacles, we become stronger.
Over the last 10 years or so, workers have been told that they need to work harder, or hustle. In fact, Hustle Culture has been prized at many companies.
The idea is, the harder you work, the more you care. Working more hours makes you a better employee, or business owner.
Of course, it’s complete bullshit.
I’m an introvert. In general, introverts are highly organized, and thrive in a highly structured environment. We are very strategic thinkers, it’s why those of us that go into consulting, for instance, often flourish, because we can create strategies and bring order to chaos for our clients.
The problem that introverts have with the ‘just hustle’ mentality is that we need a reason WHY we are hustling. Telling us that we are supposed to work hard, and not giving us a reason WHY we are working hard, is completely deflating. Remember, introverts thrive off order, reason, logic.
When we are told to hustle, we will ask ‘Well why are we hustling?’ If we are told ‘Because that’s how we know you care’, then we check out. Hustling for the sake of hustling is completely meaningless to us.
You can tell an introvert that they need to work hard or hustle every day this week, 10 hours a day. Without a clear understanding of WHY the hustle is necessary and for what outcome, we will mentally check out.
On the other hand, if you tell an introvert that they need to work 10-12 hours every day this week, and lay out the exact project they will be working on, and a clear explanation of why all that time is necessary to complete the elements of that project, we are all in.
Tell me what I need to do, why I need to do it, and I can work all day. I have no problem with the hustle.
But tell me to hustle, without giving me a reason why the hustle is warranted, and I could care less.
Hustling for the sake of hustling is how you burn out yourself and your employees.
Define why the Hustle is necessary
If you want to motivate someone to work harder, help them understand why the hard work is necessary.
When I was in college, I worked night shift at a warehouse, driving a forklift. This warehouse had a day shift and night shift. The night shift’s job was to set up product for the day shift to use to complete orders. The night shift understood that if we did a better job of getting the product staged properly, that the day shift would be more productive, and we would actually have less work to do the following day.
We understood that sometimes we would need to do a bit extra work, we would need to hustle harder. But we also understood why the hustle was necessary, and what the positive result would be if we did hustle.
A couple years later, I was at the same job. By now we had moved to a different location and had new management. It was the week after Christmas, and night shift was told all week that we would only work from 4pm-8pm on New Year’s Eve. Normally, we worked a 6-8 hour shift. We were told we would come in, do some light clean up work, and go home early. Day shift was told they would be leaving early as well.
We arrived for our shift on New Year’s Eve, and it was a complete disaster. Day shift was still working, and wasn’t anywhere close to being done. We were told they would probably have to work our shift with us, but we would still leave at 8pm as planned.
A couple hours into our shift, we got an update; Day shift was probably going to be staying till around 10pm, and we would have to stay till 10pm as well. Upon hearing this news, some of the workers on day shift began to clock out and go home. Which meant we were further behind on work. So the night shift had to start finishing orders for the day shift.
At this point, no one was clear on why we were having to work so hard. Both shifts had been told they would get to leave early on New Year’s Eve, now it appeared that both shifts would actually have to work overtime. Obviously, something had changed to necessitate the extra work, but we weren’t told what had happened. Most of the day shift ended up working for 12 hours, and my night shift actually worked till 6am on New Year’s Day…a 14-hour shift, when we were told all week we would be working 4 hours. What made matters worse, was all during the day and night, we were told that we could leave in a few more hours. Then when a few more hours arrived, we were told it would be a few more hours. Workers were told to keep working hard, but never given a reason for the hard work. And all this was being required on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.
We were told to hustle, but never given a reason why the hustle was necessary. And the amount of hustle required kept changing, to reach a goal that no one understood. Such a working environment is toxic, it leads to less productive employees, and higher job turnover.
Being consistent is far more important than hustling
One of the biggest keys to success in digital and content creation is consistency. It’s honestly something I struggle with mightily. I talked before about how introverts need structure and order. Do this, and this happens. Introverts need to know that if they put in this work, that THIS will be the result.
The problem is, it’s difficult to apply this cause and effect structure to content creation. I can’t tell you how many posts I will need to write to see my traffic increase 50% from where it is right now. Maybe it will take a thousand posts, maybe it will take only one. All I know for sure is that by consistently creating content here, I am INCREASINGLY my chances of seeing my traffic increase.
That’s not very precise. But unfortunately, that’s about the best we can go on. For instance, I started creating regular, consistent content on this blog starting September of last year. Prior to then, my writing schedule was pretty unorganized, I would typically write whenever I had a topic I wanted to talk about and the time to write. But starting September 1st, or 8 months ago, I decided to commit to writing every week.
Since that time, my traffic has increased by about 50%. If I can keep writing consistently, the odds are I can increase traffic by another 50% in the same amount of time, if not sooner.
But there is no guarantee that this will work. And for workers that thrive of a cause and effect method of working; I do this and this happens, that can be very frustrating.
Learn when to hustle
So this is what I’ve learned; Work consistently until you get consistent results. When you reach that point, THEN you can begin to hustle. Once you know what the result is from your work, then hustling to complete that work will give you the result faster. But until you know what work is necessary to create the result you want, hustling only burns you out. Hustle only works when you hustle to complete meaningful work. If your work has no meaning or known purpose, then hustling does nothing but burn you out.
It sounds cliche, but if you want your employees to work harder, give them something to work harder for. Help them understand why the hustle is necessary, and what they will achieve as a result. If you are working for yourself, apply the same principles. Use ‘the hustle’ as a tool to become more productive, not as a tool to virtue signal to others how you are ‘getting shit done’.
Reality check, most of us are too busy on our own work to notice your ‘hustle’. So stop trying to impress others, just focus on the work that needs to be done, and only hustle if the work calls for it.
I want to talk about two people, both facing the same challenge in their personal and professional lives.
The first is a friend of mine who I’ve known and worked with for years. We talk often, and almost every time we do, she complains about her job. Most of her complaints are about how her employer can’t seem to get out of its own way. Unforced errors, inefficient management, constant pressure to hit quarterly deadlines. She laments that the company seems to have no long-term strategy in place. She often makes suggestions to her boss and other executives for how the company can turn things around and begin to grow.
Her suggestions are either blown off, or she’s told that the company needs to get on better footing before it thinks about making ‘big’ changes. Every time I talk to her, she laments ‘I really don’t know if I will still have this job in a year’. She worries about the future of the company.
I ask her why she doesn’t consider another job? She is far too qualified to be in such an unhappy role, and her current employer clearly doesn’t appreciate her talents, or know how to leverage them within the company. She always says she doesn’t want to ‘start over’, and she hopes the company will figure out what it needs to do to turn things around.
My friend and her employer are both stuck with a survive mindset. The company doesn’t want to plan for the future, the CEO and her bosses just want to make it through this year. Then when things start to improve, then they can consider making changes
At the same time, my friend is also focused on a survive mindset. She’s unhappy at her job and knows she can do so much more. But at the same time, she doesn’t want to look for another job. Maybe she fears the process or landing in an even worse position.
When you’re only focused on the short-term, whether you realize it or not, you are simply surviving.
Here’s another example. I have a wonderful network of professional friends that I lean on for support and guidance. I talk to them often about what I’m working on, what I’m focusing on, and where I want to go.
All of them always ask me when I am going to write another book, and when I am going to start podcasting again. I always tell them I appreciate them asking, but I can’t focus on those things right now. Both would take too long to show results, I have to focus on what will work right now.
Without realizing it, I was also adopting a survive mentality. I always dismiss the idea of writing another book or restarting my podcast, simply because those efforts would take months to bear fruit. I need results today! I need income today!
Recently, I did a little exercise. I thought of a number, an amount I’d like to make over the next year from my business. It was a BIG number. And I asked myself ‘What would I need to do in order to hit that number?”
And I started brainstorming internally, and one of the first thoughts I had was ‘Well I would need to write another book, and I’d probably need to start podcasting again.” Without thinking, I went straight to doing the same things that my friends had been pushing me to do.
The light bulb went off. I had been sabotaging my own ability to thrive, by adopting a survive mentality. I was focusing on just getting through this month. Then next month do it again. Lather, rinse, repeat. I was focusing on getting immediate results, anything that wouldn’t see results for a few months, or longer, was being put on the backburner.
And I’m sure my friends could sense this, that’s why they kept suggesting I do things like write another book, or start podcasting. Because they wanted to see me THRIVE!
What’s the Difference Between Surviving and Thriving?
Surviving is what happens this month or this quarter.
Thriving is what happens 5 years from now.
Recently, I finally had a chance to read Simon Sinek’s wonderful book Start With Why. In Chapter 6, he talks about the turnaround at Continental Airlines that happened under CEO Gordon Bethune in the 90s. Prior to Bethune’s arrival, the entire working environment at Continental was very toxic. The employees were always stressed and in bad moods, and they treated the customers poorly as a result. I thought this quote from page 84 really resonates with the Survive vs Thrive mentality:
Some would argue that the reason Continental’s culture was so poisonous was that the company was struggling. They would tell you that it’s hard for executives to focus on anything other than survival when a company is facing hard times. “Once we get profitable again,” the logic went, “then we will take a look at everything else.”
How many of you have heard this at your own company? How many of you have heard it in your own household?
Focusing on today isn’t how you create a happy tomorrow.
And let’s be honest, focusing solely on the present, always adopting a survive mindset, is exhausting. It beats you down, it can steal your hope and your happiness.
But just shifting to a thrive mindset, empowers you. Suddenly you are filled with hope, you have a sense of control over your personal and professional life.
When I wrote that BIG number down, my first thought was to revert back to a survive mindset.
“That number’s too big!”
“There’s no way I could hit that!”
“Let’s be reasonable!”
I told myself. Then I calmed down and thought ‘But what if I could? What would need to happen in order to hit that number? What changes would I need to make?”
Before I knew it, I had a long list of things I could do to hit that BIG number.
Suddenly, that unreasonable number that I could never reach…looked possible. Just sketching out a rough plan made it seem more…real.
It was empowering, I must say.
Think about your job. Hopefully, you love your job and look forward to going to work everyday and changing lives for the better. But for those of you that are dis-satisfied with your job, like my friend above, what needs to change?
Do you need a bigger salary? Do you need to perform different tasks that take better advantage of your skills? Do you need more time off?
Think about what YOU want from your job, then list out what would need to happen in order to make your wants become reality. For instance, maybe you wish you were making 30% more. Ok, then how would you get there? Maybe it’s something as easy as switching jobs if you are underpaid. Or maybe you would need to get a promotion to make 30% more. In that case, think about the changes you would need to make to justify the promotion. Maybe you need to learn new skills, or maybe you need to gain a new certification, etc.
Before you know it, you have a plan in place, and can go to your boss and ask for additional training that can improve your skills.
It’s so empowering! But it starts with accepting you are settling for just surviving, when you really want to thrive. Once you shift your mindset to thrive, then you want so much more for your life, and you become excited about planning out how to achieve more.
When your friends ask you why you don’t apply for a better job or why you don’t pursue this or accomplish that, understand that they are pushing you to thrive. They can see that you are stuck surviving, when you could do so much more. Surround yourself with a support group that pushes you to thrive!
If this last year has taught us anything, it should be that life is too short to be miserable. We are not meant to just survive, we are meant to thrive!
To many of us, the idea of self-promotion makes us nervous. The reason is simply because we don’t like talking about ourselves.
So don’t.
In 2008 I made my professional ‘speaking’ debut. At South By Southwest. On the main stage. In the same room where 24 hours earlier a certain Mark Zuckerberg made his SXSW debut during the infamous ‘why is everyone coughing?’ interview by Sarah Lacy.
Did I mention I am introvert? That I was terrified? That this was the first time since college that I had spoken in public?
What changed? I mean, you don’t find many introverts who are into public speaking, and even fewer that love it.
What changed for me is I learned to stop putting myself in the spotlight. This is why so many people hate public speaking, because they feel like everyone is looking at them. And of course they are! I got past the nervousness of public speaking by putting the spotlight not on myself, but instead on my IDEAS. There’s nothing more satisfying than having an amazing idea to share, and then seeing the lightbulb go off over someone’s head. They GET why your idea is so valuable! For me as a speaker, there’s no better feeling!
So if you are uncomfortable promoting yourself or the platforms that you own like your blog or newsletter or podcast; there’s a few things to think about.
1 – If you are worried about being ‘that guy’ when it comes to self-promotion, there’s roughly a 99.9% chance that you are NOT ‘that guy’. The reality is that the shameless self-promoters don’t see themselves as such, and don’t CARE if you do. So if you are asking if you might be ‘that guy’, it pretty much guarantees that you are NOT.
2 – If self-promotion makes you nervous, keep in mind that growing your platform means you will have a bigger platform to promote the IDEAS that you are passionate about. Remember, don’t focus on yourself, focus on the ideas.
3 – If self-promotion makes you nervous, keep in mind that growing your platform means you will have a bigger platform to promote the PEOPLE you are passionate about. I love leveraging this blog and my newsletter Backstage Pass to put the spotlight on smart friends and peers who I think deserve your attention. Or put another way, the brilliant Carrie Wilkerson once told me you make more money so you will have more money to support the people and ideas you believe in.
If it makes you nervous to self-promote, don’t think of it as self-promotion, think of it as promoting the ideas that you are passionate about. And as your platforms grow, you can use them to promote the people that you are passionate about.
In 2006, on my first blog, The Viral Garden, I started a weekly ranking of the ‘top’ marketing blogs. I called it ‘The Viral Garden’s Top 25 Marketing Blogs’, and updated the list weekly. I ranked the Top 25 marketing blogs each week according to some criteria, at first it was number of Technorati ranks, later it was Alexa score. As you might guess, the list became very popular, as the blogs on the list were quite happy to promote their inclusion, which brought more attention to the list.
But over time, something irritated me a bit. I loved that the Top 25 list gave more exposure to the blogs on it, but I felt there were a lot of blogs that were left off the list that deserved our attention. So I started something called ‘The Z-List’. I started with a list of a few blogs that I thought were awesome, that I wanted to draw attention to. I invited others to take the Z-List that I started with, and add a couple of their favorite blogs, and link to all. This would be a way for the list to grow, and for all these deserving blogs to get some additional links and attention. The Z-List became very popular, very quickly. So much so that a certain international thought leader approached me about moving The Z-List to his own platform.
The point in all this is, don’t fret over putting the spotlight on yourself. Put the spotlight on the ideas and the people that you want to lift up.
This is horrible advice. In other words, seek out people who will:
Tell you that you are wrong
Tell you that what you are doing is wrong
Tell you that you are acting inappropriately
Tell you that you haven’t thought through what you are saying or doing
Ask you to rethink if what you are claiming is really as you think it is
No. Hell no. If I have learned one thing over the last year, it is to surround myself with people who believe in me, and support me. None of us have to look for people who will tell us we are wrong. None of us have to look for people that will tell us that we aren’t thinking about what we are saying, or that our behavior is inappropriate. None of us have to look for people who will ‘challenge’ our ideas. And 99% of the time, the people that will do these things are NOT acting out of ‘love’ for us.
In 2011 I attended and spoke at the first Content Marketing World in Cleveland. The keynote was actor/filmmaker/content creator Kevin Smith. His central message was to believe in yourself and surround yourself with people who believe in you and will support you. At one point he said (I’m paraphrasing here), no one needs another person who asks ‘Why?’ when you tell them about your idea. We all can find people who will challenge us and give us reasons why our idea won’t work. What we all need are people who say ‘Why the f*ck not?’ when they hear your idea. The people who believe in you and who push you to pursue your dreams. Those are the people we all need in our lives.
He’s exactly right.
Remember that famous adage that you are the combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with? I think there’s a lot of truth in that. Think about how your life might be different if the 5 people you spend the most time with always challenged your ideas. Told you that you were wrong. That you aren’t thinking through your ideas, and that your actions may be inappropriate. And when you asked those 5 closest people if they liked your idea, they said no, they didn’t.
How would that make you feel? How would that change the way you lived your life?
Now think about how your life would be different if the 5 closest people to you always encouraged you to dream. Told you that your ideas had promise. That your actions were helpful and making a positive impact on the lives of others. What if 5 closest people said ‘yes’ when you asked if they liked your idea?
How would that make you feel? How would that change the way you lived your life?
Now, this isn’t to say that your ‘inner circle’ should only consist of people who will always agree with you. But it damn sure shouldn’t consist of people who only tell you that you are wrong. Seriously, who wants or thinks they need that in their lives?
We all need that friend that will ‘keep us in check’ and tell us what they really think. But more than that, we need friends who will support us and who will believe in us.
That’s what it means to come from ‘a place of love’ in regards to our friends and support group. Very few of us need to add people in our circle who will say ‘why’. But I think we all could use more confidants who will say ‘why the f*ck not?’ when they hear our idea.
Don’t seek out people that will always question you. Those people will find YOU. Seek out the people who will support you, who will encourage you to follow your passions, and to dream big.
Those are the people that will push you to reach your true potential. Those are the people that will help you lead a happy life. Treasure them like the gold they are, and do everything you can to support them as well.
I suspect there will be an update in the next Monday’s Marketing MInute, but the DOJ, along with multiple states, has filed an antitrust lawsuit against Google. The Senate has said it wants the CEOs of both Facebook and Twitter to come before it and explain why their platforms are censoring content. And both presidential candidates, Trump and Biden, have signaled that they will change CDA 230.
Over a year ago, I started talking about how there would be great disruption coming to the social media space over the coming years. Even before this, I began advising clients to lower their dependence on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook, and focus more on communication channels they control, like their website/blog and email newsletters. Honestly, I don’t think Twitter and Facebook will be here 5 years from now. And I think as the social media landscape changes, I would hope that how we approach social media would change as well.
Years ago as influencer marketing was taking off, I advised companies interested in this space to invest in working with the T-Shaped Influencer. A T-Shaped Influencer is one that doesn’t have a large following or reach, but who has a depth of connection with their smaller audience. It’s the difference between an influencer who has 500,000 followers and no real connection with any of them, and am influencer who has 500 followers, who they know individually, and who all come from the same space.
Depth vs Reach.
One of the great failings of social media has been that it pushed us to pursue reach. Platforms weren’t built around communication (which is where depth occurs), they were built around extending reach. Build a network of followers, even buy them if you have to. Share your content Track the number of Likes, Favs, ReTweets. If you really want to ramp things up, engage with only ‘Verified’ users or users that have over 100,000 followers!
Doesn’t this all sound like bullshit? How does any of this reflect ‘social’ as in social media? The reality is, social media for years has been far more about the media than it has the social. When Twitter first launched, if you followed someone, you saw ALL their tweets. You may think you do now, but you don’t. If you are following Sarah and Tom, and Sarah replies to Tom, you will see that tweet. But if you are following Sarah and NOT following Tom, you won’t see if Sarah replies to Tom. When Twitter first launched, this wasn’t the case. This allowed you to follow people, then see who they were talking to, and meet new people through their conversations. It was a wonderful way to build your Twitter network organically and make new connections and friends. But Twitter decided this was creating the need for a lot of bandwidth they didn’t want to pay for, so they ended this feature. When Twitter users complained, Twitter clarified that it was never intended to be a communications platform, but rather a broadcast platform.
Think about that for a minute. And then think about the UX at Facebook, is it positioned more as a communication or broadcast platform in your opinion?
I think we will see fundamental changes in social media over the next few years. I think as these changes are happening, we need to be vigilant in pushing for changes that bring the ‘social’ back into social media. We need platforms that allow us to forge deeper connections with fewer people versus having little or no connection with everyone.
Depth vs Reach. If Social Media 1.0 was all about maximizing Reach, let’s make Social Media 2.0 all about maximizing Depth.
Back around May, I saw a video on Facebook. It was two cousins, both around 8 or 9. They were standing about 6 feet apart, and giggling. A parent of one of the children explained that the cousins hadn’t been able to see each other for weeks due to covid restrictions, and they were about to get to hug for the first time since. They looked at each other and the mom said “Go ahead!”, and they sheepishly started inching toward each other, and then finally their eyes met and they tackled each other in a big hug.
And at the same time, both children started sobbing uncontrollably. It was honestly heartbreaking to watch, and it perfectly illustrated the loss we are all feeling of a human connection right now. I’m introverted, so not being in social settings hasn’t hit me as hard, but I know a lot of my extroverted friends have been struggling this year. Just as introverts feed off solitude, extroverts feed off contact with others. There will be many studies and books done on how this country handled dealing with coronavirus in 2020, but one aspect that cannot be denied is that being locked up at home has had a devastating impact on the mental health of this country. And some experts believe its actually made the spread of the virus worse, not better.
So when the country fully reopens, there will be a great desire to return to normalcy. But the realty is, we have all adjusted our lives this year, and some of those adjustments will become permanent changes. I can see two big behavioral changes that we will adopt as a society moving forward:
1 – We will do far less in-person shopping for food. Trips to the grocery store will more often be to pick up an order that we placed online, instead of going to shop for food while there. We will also use delivery services more both for meals from restaurants, and to order from services that offer meals we can prepare at home.
2 – Many companies will decide to make remote work from home permanent for their employees. This year has been a trial-by-fire for many companies in embracing remote work, but many companies will find out it makes sense for them and their employees.
So think about how that will change our behavior. A lot of the trips out to ‘run errands’ like grocery shopping, picking up dinner, etc, will now be handled via delivery services. So fewer trips away from the house. And more of us will be working from home, so that will eliminate even more trips away from home.
But, spending all this time at home will also greatly reduce the amount of in-person contact we will have with friends and co-workers. So I starting in 2021, we will see many of us placing a greater emphasis on leaving the house in order to meet with friends, co-workers and family members. A greater percentage of our trips away from the house will be of a social nature to connect with others.
And I think this will go beyond just heading to a bar or movie with friends. I think you’ll see more deliberate thought put into our social gatherings, and they will be considered more special and meaningful. For example, for Halloween 2021, I could the return of community hayrides, maybe school Halloween carnivals, community-wide trick or treating that incorporates ways for parents to have social time together as well. Activities that were normally aimed at individuals could be promoted as group affairs. For instance, more guided tours for groups at museums, giving you a chance to sign up to join a group instead of going alone.
For companies, I could see a greater emphasis on trips for employees, and in-person team-building exercises. Maybe the annual company retreat becomes a bi-annual event every six months. Conferences could begin to incorporate fun social events in the evening rather than just telling attendees they were on their own at 5pm, ‘See you tomorrow!’ And conferences are going to come back in a big way starting I think in Fall of 2021 moreso than in the Spring. So those of you that are about to start planning for next year’s events, focus on building time into the schedule for attendees to interact with each other. We will want and need that time.
Human beings are social creatures. We need contact, we need to interact with each other. We were not meant to live our lives in fear locked up in our homes. This is not healthy for our bodies or souls. Starting in 2021 I believe you’ll see us yearning for more in-person contact and social events. The smart companies are the ones that will provide more social options for us.
I think most of us can agree that one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives is worrying. For the most part, we worry about the future. We worry about tomorrow. We worry about how we will deal with something that is either coming in the future, or that we suspect will happen in the future.
And that’s important to note, because often, we find out that what we were worried about happening, never did.
I recently linked to an interview that Kobe Bryant did shortly before he passed away. It’s a great interview on many topics, one of which was playing for legendary NBA coach Phil Jackson. Phil is known to be pretty quirky, and Kobe was discussing some of the ‘odd’ things that Phil would do during practices, teaching breathing exercises, having meditation sessions, holding certain poses to release stress, etc. Kobe said that at first he thought all this was crazy, but then he noticed that Phil had completely bought into these teachings, so he decided to give it a try. Kobe said that he eventually realized that what Phil was teaching the team was how to live and play in the moment. Don’t worry about what will happen in 5 minutes, focus on running and executing the current play to the best of your ability. Kobe added that if you watch Phil’s Lakers teams or his Bulls teams with Jordan, that they never get rattled at the end of the game. They are always focused on the moment and they don’t let what could come next overwhelm them.
These comments reminded me of what Alabama football coach Nick Saban says he always stresses to his players. He says that he tells his players that “every play has a life of its own” and to never look at the scoreboard. He teaches his players to execute each play to the best of your ability, then immediately drop it and go to the next play. By doing this, he’s teaching his players not to focus on the last play or what they need to do on the next play. Focus on THIS play. Focus on the moment.
My uncle has a condominium near the beach, and every time I visit, I always look forward to walking on a nearby beach. It’s incredibly relaxing for me. In thinking about what Kobe and Saban said about ‘playing in the moment’, I realized that when I walk on the beach, I completely focus on the water. Watching it come in, watching it go out. In other words, completely living in the moment. So I’ve been trying to do more of that in my day to day life, focusing more on what I can do today, versus worrying about what will happen tomorrow if I don’t do what I need to do today.
So that’s what I plan on doing from now on, focusing more on the walk on the beach, and worrying less about how I will get home.