A few weeks ago, I found a post on Snarketing 2.0 where Ron focused on a post I wrote, and disagreed with several points I raised. What I really appreciated about Ron’s post (and comments) was that he focused on the IDEAS he disagreed with, and wasn’t disagreeing with ME. Too often in this space, it seems disagreements stem not because someone disagrees with someone else’s ideas, but rather that they disagree with the person presenting the ideas.
Ike found the post and tweeted the above. Several people either RTed Ike, or chimed in that the back and forth between Ron and I was a great example of disagreeing in the comments of a blog. That troubled me a bit, because how Ron and I handled our disagreement in the comments (focused on points vs people) is how EVERYONE should handle disagreements online.
And before anyone thinks I am trying to prop myself up as being the master when it comes to handling disagreements, I have plenty of experience causing and participating in trainwrecks online.
Unfortunately, it seems that too often the disagreements we encounter, at least in the ‘social media circles’ seem to be focused on the people versus the ideas. And it seems that we have far too much agreeing. It’s almost like we’ve forgotten how to constructively disagree with each other. Here’s the basic rules for debate that I try to follow online:
1 – Be respectful to the other person’s opinion and understand that they have a unique perspective that shapes their opinions.
2 – Disgree with the idea, but NOT the person expressing the idea.
3 – When I disagree with someone’s ideas, I try to explain WHY I disagree. Saying ‘Your idea is wrong’ helps no one. Learn to say ‘Here’s why I think your idea is wrong..’
4 – Know when to walk away. I honestly struggle with this one a lot, but when our ideas are challenged, it’s far too easy to dig in and keep charging ahead. It’s best to know which battles are worth fighting, and when it’s best to wave the ‘agree to disagree’ flag, and move on.
But again, I think as a whole, this social media marketing/branding space has far too little disagreement and challenging of ideas. And the disagreements we do see are often centered on the person versus the ideas. Folks, we learn via disagreeing. When someone says ‘I’m not sure I agree with that, Mack, how about this?’, it not only gives me a new perspective to consider, but it challenges me to re-examine my own ideas. So I benefit from having my ideas challenged, and we all do. My fear is that a lot of potential disagreements are stifled because the person that disagrees decides not to air their disagreement because its with someone that has a larger following or readership than they do. I am afraid they believe that the person with the larger following must know what they are talking about, else why would they have more Twitter followers? 😉
Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing, just try not to be disagreeable 😉
What I am wondering Mack is may the lack of disagreeing have to do with the industry being so young and changing so much, so frequently.
I can’t speak for anyone else but I find there is so much to learn and stay on top of all the time that I spend a lot of time just reading and watching and taking it all in. I have to process it all and put it all together before I can really form opinions. Of course it can also be a bit daunting to “disagree” with an idea put forward by an “expert” with a huge following.
What do you think would encourage better discussion among our industry?
Hi Jennifer 😉 I think a lot of people in this space need to leave their egos and insecurities at the door. Personally, I have always said that I love disagreements in the comments here because it expands the audience because then more than one side of the issue is represented. If someone finds a blog post and they see 10 straight comments that are all in agreement, if can be tough for that person to air an opposing view. But if the person sees that someone else has already disagreed, that makes it far easier for that 2nd person to jump in.
When I was still blogging at The Viral Garden before I started this blog up, at the end of one of my posts I literally BEGGED my readers to start disagreeing with me, and to feel comfortable doing so. Because I knew that as long as everyone was agreeing with me, only one side of every issue was being represented.
Disagreements, if handled correctly, lead to deeper and more intelligent conversations. If handled incorrectly, disagreements lead to the comments section of 99.9% of the videos on YouTube 😉
True but could it also be that most people who are reading your blog actually agree with you?
Once again I can only speak for myself. But now that I have taken some time to think about the issue, I know I have the (possibly bad) habit of only following or reading the people I agree with. I generally just stop following or reading things from people who I don’t think “get it”. This may be true for a lot of people. So maybe the real problem is that we need to start reading more blogs and tweets from people we don’t always agree with and then take the time to have that discussion to broaden our minds and perspectives.
Jennifer that’s a great point about many of us reading mainly people we agree with. I totally think you’re correct there, so perhaps we need to challenge ourselves to look for sources that we don’t agree with?
Hey Mack,
Thank you for this post! It’s so true, isn’t it, that if we all saw things the same way there would be no invention, no growth, no interest and spark to new ideas.
Respect, as you say, is key, and knowing that it’s “ok to agree to disagree” in a way that is focused on the points, and not on the person.
Great job on this one!
Margie
This is the stupidest blog post I’ve ever read. You must be a real jerk.
Just,kidding, of course.
I really wanted to respond to Jennifer’s comment. Here’s my take: Many blogs preach to the choir. They serve the purpose of confirming what people already believe and what they want to believe.
A blogger needs to consciously create an environment that enables and encourages discussion, disagreement, and argument.
One of my earliest experiences as a blog reader was disagreeing with one of the social media gurus (you’d know his name if I mentioned it). He basically ignored my comment, leading me to believe he was only interested in basking in the plaudits of those who agreed with him.
A blogger has to invite opposing views, and more importsntly, treat those opposing views with a lot of respect.
“A blogger has to invite opposing views, and more importsntly, treat those opposing views with a lot of respect.”
Well said, Ron.
Thanks for sharing this, Mack. It is SUCH an important point. I love debating. But I have always kept my debates about the ideas, not the people. I really can’t stand it when people in a debate start going for personal attacks. It suggests to me that they can’t hold their own discussing the ideas. It’s even worse when people do it online, as the words don’t disappear into the air and our memories. They linger. I’ve made my share of mistakes online, too, but I try to keep things civil and non-personal when it comes to disagreeing.
Well, we should always respect other opinion and not disrespecting them. That’s their opinion so be it.. Instead, stand on your own point that makes him feel realize that he/she is wrong..:-)
This, this, and this Mack. I think all points are part of my comment policy (http://bit.ly/HRYTN9). It’s what I try to do and part of what I like about comments: the perspectives that can only come from professional, courteous debate. When I can read people arguing their opinions on a topic – and learn something, that’s win win.
Seriously, though it’d be fun to try to disagree w/ you, I couldn’t agree more. 🙂 I also like to think I disagree or challenge other viewpoints time to time, as others do me. Neicole’s right, words linger so I try to remember my own rules when I comment elsewhere. It’s about the topic, not the person; stick to that, explain why, maybe help others learn something along the way. FWIW.