If you joined social media in its early days, say 2005-2009 or so, there’s certain words and phrases that will resonate with you, that others who started using social media later just don’t understand. Such as:
- Friendfeed
- Technorati
- The Summer of Plurk
- Fail Whale
- Dooce (also “You’ve been Dooced!”)
Dooce is the online name for Heather Armstrong. Heather was one of the first ‘mommy bloggers’ and for a period of time around 2008 or 2009, she was likely the most popular blogger on the planet.
Earlier this month, Heather passed away. According to her boyfriend, the cause of death was suicide. Heather was 47 years old.
I wasn’t a regular Dooce reader. But you didn’t have to be to immediately see that Heather had a very acidic wit. She had personality, she had flair. She could write in a way that captivated the attention of her readers. And she cussed a lot. It seems pretty obvious that she was using her blog as a way to attempt to cope with the issues she was facing in her everyday life. I think all bloggers do this to some degree. She bared her struggles and triumphs for all to see, and that generated a lot of attention for her, a lot of fans, and a lot of success.
And with success in social media, comes criticism. The AP article I linked to about Heather’s death doesn’t specifically state this, but it heavily implies that the hate she received over the success of her Dooce site contributed to her issues. It’s an insanely weird thing to see people that have no idea who you are, criticizing you. Leveling personal attacks at you. Based on nothing more than simple jealousy.
When I announced I was writing Think Like a Rock Star back in early 2012, the amount of criticism I got for simply announcing I was writing a book was stunning to me. I suddenly had industry peers attacking me. I wasn’t qualified to write a book, I was copying my idea from another author. I had one industry guy I was following specifically tell someone on Twitter to NOT buy my book, that I wasn’t qualified to write on the topic. My first thought was ‘Buddy, you have no earthly idea what you are talking about. You have no idea what clients I have now, which ones I’ve already worked with or what work I’ve done for them.”
And he didn’t. All he knew was that I was writing a book, and that made him jealous cause he didn’t have one.
I’ve watched this same scenario play out countless times on social media over the last 18 years with countless people. When you are building your network, there will always come a tipping point at which you suddenly become ‘big’ enough to attract detractors. These people reach a point where they have achieved more success than they should have. Now they are open to criticism. Because someone decided that they didn’t ‘deserve’ that much success, and that opens them to criticism. From strangers that have no idea what they are talking about.
The AP article above says that Dooce.com had 8 million monthly viewers at its peak. I can only imagine the amount of criticism and attacks she would have to endure from strangers, at that volume.
From strangers. Anonymously. On the internet.
I started blogging in 2005. What really attracted me to blogging from the start was the idea that blogging gives everyone a voice. If you have a blog, then you have a way to share your voice with the world. When I first started blogging, every day I would track new links using Technorati (see the list at the start of the post). One day in late 2005, I saw a link from what appeared to be a Chinese site. I did some investigating, and the link was coming from a 13 year-old girl in China that had linked to my blog from hers. That alone opened my eyes to the potential of blogging. That people of all ages, locations, and backgrounds, all around the world, could connect and engage and share ideas and build friendships.
At least, that was the promise of blogging and social media. But over the years, I saw that promise increasingly give way to a reality of spite, anger, trolls and harassment. Strangers attacking other strangers just because they could.
We never fully realized that promise of blogging and social media as a way to bring the world closer together, to support each other. In fact, we missed that mark so badly that many people now question if we would have been better off if we never had social media.
But social media didn’t cause this, we did. Blogs and social media are just the tools we used to be bitter and jealous towards each other. Ironically, as I am writing this, a friend has PMed me on Facebook about an instance of them being attacked on FB because of their opinions.
We are better than this. I made a mistake in the title of this post, social media didn’t fail us.
We failed each other.
Goodbye, Heather. You are one of the pioneers of blogging and social media, and you opened doors for many more who came after you. I’m sorry for criticism you had to deal with, but I would like to think that you were aware of the impact you had on this space.
There will never be another Heather Armstrong. But right now, there is a blogger who is about to get her big break. Maybe she’s about to get her first sponsor, or her first job due to her blog, or maybe her first book deal.
When that happens, let’s be happy for her. Let’s assume she deserves it, and let’s not give in to any jealousy we might want to entertain. Instead, let’s cheer her on, and let’s try to learn from her and apply it to our own efforts.
Because with any luck, we might be the next blogger that makes it big. And when success arrives, let’s hope kindness and congratulations accompanies it.
Because we deserve it. And we deserve to be the person who is good enough to treat others as we would want to be treated.
Thank you. I started circa 2004. Envy is at the root of so much unnecessary vitriol.
Hi Amanda. Wow 2004, almost 20 years as a blogger! Very impressive. I totally agree about envy, it would be so easy to learn from others when they have success rather than be jealous. Sadly, I guess it’s just human nature.
Mack, I was so glad that you wrote this. Well written as usual and spot on…as usual. You were in the right place at the right time back then and guess what, you still are my friend.
Take Care!
Thank you, brother!
I agree with this sentiment whole heartedly— but I’d add – she’s always struggled with mental health issues and while I have no doubt fame and all that comes with it (people not liking her) exasperated it, we’ll never really know for sure. What I do know is that Few can handle fame well. And what takes a lot of famous people down isn’t the haters, so much, but the decline of their popularity and fame. Think actors and musicians – Selling out arenas to a decade later playing the Iowa state fair with a few drunks in the crowd has to burn too.
To me, I think it’s a warning, especially to all the teens and young adults hoping to go viral and get famous — but to anyone hoping to be popular enough to make a living – how will you handle if it all just went away? As a published author working on my third book I’ve had to ask myself the same many times.
Do I have purpose as a human being without my writing career and fans? Is my most important work millions of views, or books sold, or my role as wife, mother and neighbor? Would I be content if I took myself completely offline, got a “regular job” and resided quietly and peacefully with my family? Do I have the self-esteem to thrive as just me, unknown to the masses, and not as my brand?
If I can’t say yes to those things, then I’d quit right now. There’s nothing new under the sun- mean, jealous, evil, vindictive people have always been around, we’ve always failed each other. Only those who can live above it, and live happily without it, should pursue it, in my humble opinion. <3
Anna, what a beautiful and thoughtful response, thank you! I love your point about how criticism could impact teens in particular, I don’t think we consider that enough.
We all have gifts that we can share with the world, thank you for sharing yours, it sounds like you have the perfect mindset and I wish you much continued success!
Well said.
But then who knew twenty years ago that the trolls would multiply faster than normal people.
Hi Lucretia! Blogging was so tiny 20 years ago, wasn’t it? Guess growth attracts trolls, unfortunately.
I hear what you are saying, Mack and the passing of Heather and the thoughts of how social media may have contributed are very sad to contemplate. I have to say my experience overall was and is positive. I’ve blogged since at least my first Typepad (another important name to remember) blog from August 2004 with the title Thinking Home Business. Too early to ride the WFH movement! Looks like I’ve never been big enough to attract the vitriol, or maybe not forthright enough in sharing my views on sundry topics. I believe the expansion of social media, especially LinkedIn and Facebook, was a significant factor in my gradually neglecting my blogging. BlogWorld Expo 2007 and 2008 were wonderful in enabling me to meet people I’d previously known only virtually and also make new friends whose friendship endures to this day although separated by thousands of miles of ocean. I once loved Twitter – ’nuff said. Facebook is handy socially. Like many other LinkedIn users I have my beefs about the platform, but apart from its business usefulness it helps me keep in touch with OG bloggers like Toby Bloomberg, Chris Heuer, Brian Solis and many others.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
Hi Des, good to see you here. I can relate to your comments on neglecting your blog when other social media platforms came into their own. I think a lot of us did the same thing. We gradually started moving conversations from our blog to our social media accounts. I do think blogging has made a bit of a comeback in recent years, I would hope that trend continues. Appreciate your thoughts as always.
The passing of Dooce felt like a 2×4 between my eyes. Heather was a force of nature, but also very approachable in person. Living your life out loud can be a very lonely experience. She had more recently had a spate of criticism over her stance on a social issue. I don’t know why she made the decision she did, but it might have little to do with social media or something in between. What I do know is that we need to help each other and hold each other up. And I found myself here on your page, and like old times, writing a comment. Thanks Mack for keeping it real.
Hello, Kami, thank you for the very thoughtful comment. I’m wondering if Heather was an introvert? I believe I remember hearing somewhere that she was. That could add another layer, being so popular but appearing at events where people wanted to meet you. Being introvert who was more extroverted online, that could cause some issues as well.
Great to see you here, my friend, you always brighten my day!
Thank you for a beautiful and thoughtful post, Mack. Heather inspired so many people with her life, joys, and battles. I used to read her blog posts to my friends. So tragic.
Thank you Rachel. I agree completely with everything you said.
Mack, I remember those early days well. I still have my original blog, Lipsticking, and it still gets attention. Looking back, I remember being judgmental of Heather in the beginning. Then, I kicked myself in the behind and was glad for both her success and her ability to be so engaging. I didn’t want to be her, but I wanted other people to see the power of what she was doing.
It’s so tremendously sad that she is gone. That her desire to be so sharing and to be so authentic could have created even more problems for her, when, as you say, she was using this new medium to figure things out.
So many of us wanted blogs to be the be-all and end-all, to show engagement and authenticity and how people could use the web in business, responsibly. I still believe that. So many are doing that.
It’s even harder today with so many people on social, so many places to post – I remember a troll following me in my early days of Print of Demand, telling me I was scamming people out of money to help them publish books. But it was nothing compared to what Heather endured.
Somehow, I don’t feel that she’s gone so much as…just missing. Because she inspired so many other people to take up the keyboard and make their voices heard.
Hi Yvonne, I love your comment. I think it’s a paradox for a lot of people in this space, you want to give the impression that you are in control, from a personal branding perspective, but many times you have no idea what’s going on! I can only imagine what it most have been like for Heather in those early days. She had to be literally making it up as she was going along because she was literally one of the first successful bloggers out there. Who else could she talk to about what she was going through as her blog was taking off? I’m sure in most cases she had no one that could help her, she was literally first through the wall. The rest of us later on had case studies and people we could get advice from. But in those first days, they had no one to help them. They were the first ones through the wall.
We’ve lost Heather, but I also think of others who are gone like Connie Reece and Liz Strauss. The one thing all three have in common, and you touched on this, is the impact they made for everyone that came after them. The road we all walk now is a bit smoother because of their efforts. And I am very grateful for that.