“Hello, my name is Mack, and I am an introvert.”
If you are an introvert that’s active in social media, do people that you meet find it difficult to believe that you are introverted? I get this often, so much so that I have on my Facebook page that I am “Online extrovert, offline introvert. It’s complicated.”
But for me, it’s much easier to be outgoing online, than it is offline. I think that’s why I love social media so much.
For example, one of the things that I hate is being in a room full of people where I don’t know anyone. I find it extremely difficult to introduce myself to anyone and talk to them, because I assume they don’t know me and don’t want to know me. It’s a terribly awkward situation for me, and if you’re an introvert you can probably relate.
But if I am in a group of people I don’t know on Twitter, I have little problem striking up a conversation with them. The anxiety over having to in-person introduce myself is all but removed, and as a result, it’s much easier for me to engage with people.
Here’s another example of an awkward offline situation. What if you have just met someone and are talking to them. What do you do when you reach that point where the conversation has died, and you need to politely break it off? I hate that! But again, if I’m online, then I can leave and no one really knows. So again, that awkward feeling is removed.
This is why I think it’s so easy for introverts to be extroverted online. I was talking to Liz Strauss and Kellye Crane about this at SXSW, and we all felt the same way. But the problem this creates for me is that since I *am* extroverted online, people that I meet offline expect me to be extroverted. And I’m almost always more reserved (even at SXSW), so I can give some people the wrong impression that I am ‘stuck up’, or not interested in talking to them. I’ve really tried to work on that, but it’s an issue.
What do the rest of you introverts say? Do you find it easier to communicate with people online versus offline? And if so, how do you handle meeting people offline? Do you think there’s a noticeable disconnect between how you act online, vs offline?
BONUS: My friend Lisa has a series of posts on introverts and leadership and business. Great reading!
Very helpful guidelines. Being an introvert myself, I could really relate to your article. Naturally, I would prefer to go to the dentist rather than have to interact in a room full of strange people. It’s not that I’m afraid, I just have my mind made up to be uncomfortable. It’s all about mindset. I believe this type of hang-up requires a lot of practice in creating positive networking experiences. Social media can be a great outlet for introverts. I did find some other free informational tools that could be of help at: http://relationshipcapital.co/op/?utm_src=bl
To answer your question, I’m just as uncomfortable communicating online as off. And that’s so uncomfortable that I have nothing to do with social media; no
Facebook, no MySpace, no Twitter, etc. In fact, I had to do a fair amount of arm twisting on myself just to post this reply. In most cases, I weigh the risks versus the rewards of communicating online and conclude that I’m better off saying nothing…just as I do offline. This time was an exception.
Only now I’m wondering, “How many others who read your article are like me, or did they just decide, as I usually do, not to reply?”
Anyway, thanks for asking.
Yes, social media can be a great outlet for introverts. This is where we can go and be completely free of our perceived limitations. Introverts are generally shy and self conscious so it is a great release to be free of all the hang-ups associated with person to person interactions. I think social media can be a great confidence builder that could eventually transfer to real life skills. Of course there can be a down side to this also because it can serve as a place to hide. Nothing to excess they say. Some other helpful tips for introverts can be found at:
http://relationshipcapital.co/op/?utm_src=bl
Not sure how I missed this but you have shined a light on a very close SM friend of mine! This fits to a tee! I keep thinking the people in his hometown would be amazed with how outgoing he appears online. The little testing I’ve done (Briggs-Myers, etc) made it clear that I tip the scales off the other end. I don’t think either orientation makes it easier to be successful at connecting through social media but understanding who you are has many benefits within social media.
Yes, social media can be a great tool for introverts if used properly. It shouldn’t be used as a place to hide but rather as a confidence builder. I think some skills can transfer to real life offline. I believe it’s important to achieve a balance between the two. More tips on introversion at: http://www.helpforthenetworkingintrovert.com/
So glad to find other social networking introverts! I can relate to so much that has been said here. I’m new to the social networking world, but very happy to be here now!
I’m an introvert. I also live by the golden rule “do unto others as you would want done to you.” I believe I have no right to interfere with other people and yet people today are pretty invasive. I guess I’ve been an introvert all my life but i know people are much more intrusive in other peoples lives today than ever. Not sure if this compounds my introversion or just extends it. Either way, I don’t want any part of it. It’s not that I’m antisocial, I really enjoy time spent with other people, its just that if I spend time with them , I don’t want to adopt them or their beliefs, I don’t want to be expected to be there the next time and I don’t want to be labeled. I’m still me no matter where I went yesterday and no matter who I conversed with. I am an individual who is talented and responsible for my choices. I don’t like call calling and high pressure sales. I have a huge extended family that creates lots of obligations and I can’t keep up. Not that I don’t love them, just that I can’t keep up. And after a long hard day of work I need time alone. I think I’m ok but in today’s economy being introverted and needing time to recharge alone has become a bad thing. How do I adjust?
I realize this post is old but I just came across your blog today and this headline immediately caught my attention. I had to offer some devil’s advocate input. 😀
The fact that people feel more comfortable behind their keyboard than they do in a room of people has been a topic of study since the early days of the internet. I’m no professor, but I did study psychology and it’s interesting how many people behave as ‘someone else’ depending on if they’re online or offline.
Social media, gaming, online dating, they all provide a way to portray the character you WISH you were, but as most comments support, in person (offline) is a different story.
As these online ‘escapes’ become more and more popular, it’s alarming to wonder how the ‘offline’ social skills of the online community could be affected.
Hi Ben, I think that’s a great point on how people act differently online because they are ‘role playing’ to a degree.
But I think there’s a world of difference between how we act when we use our REAL IDENTITIES on social media sites, versus a pseudonym. For example, Carl is more likely to act the same online (or at least a lot closer) if he communicates as his real name of Carl Jenkins than he is if he communicates as HokiesFan4Life and no one knows his real identity.
But definitely agree with your point that if we are wearing a ‘mask’ online, we’ll act differently than we do in person. Usually.
Mack, great post!
The part of a conversation when you no longer have anything left to say can be very awkward. Especially in networking and meeting someone for the first time. Haven’t quite perfected that yet but if you or someone else you know does, let me know!
Joey
Jumpstart:HR – Strategic HR Outsourcing and Consulting Firm
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jvpsaid
GREAT topic Mack. I’m just seeing this now. Awesome participation.
I always am taken aback when meeting (eg.) a twitter friend IRL and they are completely quiet/shy, etc -the opposite of what appeared online.
I suppose this is neither right or wrong (?) but, I do feel mildly “fooled”. Not consciously, or purposely by them necessarily- but in a way where this medium has started to dissolve the former “norms” developed over time that no longer can be assumed. There is something to that I think.
In a strange way it’s similar to the feeling when you receive an email from someone where you know they would never say XX to your face but did so in that space.
To me this walks the incredible line of how our communication is evolving rapidly and the tools we bring along the way.
It also seems to graze the personal branding area. I think all voices are incredible and extremely important, but how are we to really perceive one if they behave differently according to mediums (phone/web/inperson/etc)? We cannot expect to have several different brands of ourselves according to where we’re communicating.
Well, this is more heady than I intended to get!
Cheers Mack, incredible and I do look forward to one day meeting you in person!
Lisa
You just put into words what I was thinking! Social media gave those of us that 30 years ago would have had jobs in a back room somewhere a way to communicate with confidence. But like you said, the problem arises when we step back into the real world and don’t live up to expectations of being the person we’ve allowed everyone to see online.
(I could never say what I just said in a room full of people)
While this is a great read, I don’t think it’s fair for you to treat introversion as a socially crippling disease that renders you more incapable of organic real-life social interaction than others. Life is inherently awkward. Those uncomfortable situations you mentioned – they’re uncomfortable for everybody. You owe it to yourself to learn to take it in stride, otherwise you risk alienating your fan base when you act differently in person than you do through social media.
Unless you’re adopting a pen-name of sorts or a pseudonym, or playing a character (Maddox), your social media profile should be an online extension of your real self.
David I’m not trying to paint introversion as a ‘socially crippling disease’ but introverts DO communicate differently than extroverts do. Neither method is inherently better or worse than the other, just different.
What I have noticed that it’s easier for me, as an introvert’ to be more ‘social’ online. It’s easier for me to strike up conversations and spark interactions in an online setting. I’ve talked to many other introverts about this, and they all report similar outcomes from their own use of social media.
I think we all act a bit differently online. For some, the differences are very subtle, for others they are stark. I think it’s up to each of us to try to understand how our offline behavior may come across to people that are only used to interacting with us online.
Hey Mack, I have been wondering about this phenomenon for quiet sometime.. I am an introvert and feel exactly as u have said. But online, I feel the extrovert in me come alive, and I chat endlessly sometimes.
Thanks Mac, great article. As a fellow introvert working in social media I can relate to everything you said! In fact, I’m sharing your comments in my next blog post. Thanks!
I’m an introvert who doesn’t care at all for social media. It s
I can relate also.
To tie a couple of concepts together within the rockstar metaphor, how does an introverted songwriter behind the scenes step up to the mic and really become that fan-adoring rockstar to the world?
You can try to think like one, as brilliantly outlined in posts here, but the qualities to make that rare next step actually happen are probably a little different in the online versus offline worlds. This world online is ours, well-suited for thoughtful words about big ideas from a world wide web of equal voices that might be quieted or not heard above the noise otherwise.
To each world their own, and it’s great that different personalities have a wide variety of ways to communicate and make a difference in the way best suited to them. We do have to live in both, though, and as might be the case in the situation described, when those words and ideas on computer screens impact real people the reluctant author is going to be pushed up onto that stage in front of that microphone as the fans want more. Take a deep breath… are you ready to rock! Even if you’re not, at least your ideas already have.
Troy I love your point about how can an introverted rock star connect with fans!
For me, I go through the same thing with public speaking. I get nervous every time I speak, but I do so because I believe in the ideas I am speaking on. I believe there are two types of speakers; Those that love speaking because they want the spotlight on them, and those that love speaking because they want the spotlight on their ideas. I think extroverts tend to enjoy being in the spotlight, while introverts want the spotlight on their ideas.
And for me, that’s why I love speaking, because it’s a way for me to bring exposure to ideas that I am passionate about. I would think it would be the same way for introverted musicians, a way for them to share their music with their fans.
Absolutely! Being active in social media is the perfect hide-out for an INFJ. Some of my other introvert friends do not get this and are now convinced I am an extrovert. Not ! It’s nice to see this verbalized by others.
I am an introvert myself, yet I don’t think this type of thing is related to being an introvert or an extrovert, but more about being shy and thinking about it or not.
I often times found my brain auto-sabotaging myself with thoughts like “don’t do that, something bad may happen!” / “don’t strike up a conversation with her, who knows what she might think about you afterwards!”.
However, after I ignore those thoughts a few times and simply “GO” without thinking of possible (and unlikely) bad consequences, I always manage to get myself into the social mood and feel awesome meeting strangers offline.
It may be just me, but that’s how it works here! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your great experience with us, Mack!
I completely know what you are talking about. From what I have read about extroverted personalities is that it drains the energy when they are in front of others who they have to converse with. Your brain power online has a longevity of its own and can withstand the conversing that goes on. Therefore, when you are in a room of others having to strike up a conversation it takes everything out of you.
Yes, Introversion/Extroversion is about how you get or keep energy. I think you meant to say “introverted” above where you said “extroverted” — an introvert gets energy from within. We recharge by being alone in a quiet place, and being out in crowds or interacting with lots of people is exhausting. Extroverts get energy from without — being at a party or in a crowd is exciting, fun, and energizing for an extrovert, and they could do it all day (and all night) long. Being alone for an extrovert is just lonely.
Of course these are extreme descriptions — most people fall somewhere in the middle. And introverts are not necessarily shy — I can be extremely outgoing and often mistaken for an extrovert in many social situations. What people don’t see is the little shivering meltdown I have at home afterwards! 🙂
I find social media nearly as difficult as face-to-face, though. Not so much that I can’t be witty and charming in social media, but that it’s just as hard to do a lot of it (as most social media gurus say you must) as it is to do a lot of big-group socializing. I tend to re-share stuff others have said, or reply to conversations (as here) rather than start my own conversations. I’m much more of a listener than a talker. That would probably be fine if I had thousands of followers who would tag me in posts I could answer, but building that following is tough when you just don’t have that much to say.
i loved your article – I’m also an introvert who enjoys social media, and I’m often thankful that I’m alive during a time when we have these opportunities. I’m sure there are many extroverts who communicate much better in person than they do online, so if we met them we might think differently about them than if we were reading their posts on Twitter.
I agree with all of you. Online extrovert and Offline introverted. This is why online courses fascinate me. I’m pursuing my doctorate online and I absolutely love it! Many years ago I could not understand this sort of juxtaposition, today I understand the two sides well. Thanks for this article.
I like social media because it allows quiet communication. Sometimes I just don’t feel like hearing other people talk, even though I might want to know what they are thinking. Being around a lot of noise gets me exhausted.
I totally understand…everyone knows not to knock at my door, or phone me. They will always use my inbox on FB to contact me.
Makes me think of the video to a country song from several years ago, Brad Paisley’s, “So Much Cooler Online,” although I know that takes it to an extreme of actually creating and escaping into a different online persona. I find that I interact far easier online than in person, but can adapt in person – it is just completely exhausting to do so. A benefit for me is that I have had the chance to get to know some people online before meeting them in person, so the typical awkwardness of having to make small talk with a stranger is no longer present, as we have a friendship base from the get go. I almost equate communicating online to the idea of pen pals in days gone by.
Typical introverts prefer writing to talking. Social Media is All About writing.
Typical introverts like to control their interactions. Social Media is all about control (I can walk away in the middle of a post, come back in two hours and finish it, and no one knows).
Introverts, when engaged in a subject they enjoy, can “talk your ear off”. Social Media is all about what you enjoy.
I LOVED this and referenced it in a post just today.
And to respond:
“If you are an introvert that’s active in social media, do people that you meet find it difficult to believe that you are introverted?”
ALL OF THE TIME.
Thank you for posting this — I’m not alone, after all!
http://tawnimarie.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/my-own-skin-creative-expression-as-a-form-of-worship/
>>>so I can give some people the wrong impression that I am ‘stuck up’, or not interested in talking to them.
As an introvert myself, I’ve always been worried about this. So I basically give it all I’ve got when talking to people, for example, after I give a presentation. And then I go back to my room and hide a bit to recharge. Of course, then I get criticized for the hiding (mostly by extroverts). 😉
Brian I know that feeling exactly. Conferences are especially draining, I try to limit my attendance to a day and a half max, if it’s 2 days or more it becomes incredibly tiresome. Especially on Day Two being surrounded by a bunch of extroverts that thrive off non-stop interaction 🙂
I’m a compassionate extrovert, Brian. I’d understand. 🙂